Ugh, Fine, I'll Do Wellness
On crying, coming back from it, and copping to the fact that wellness works
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Hi gem,
It’s Kimmy, here, and I am so happy to be DM-ing your email again this week. Missed you much. How are you today? But like, really… how are you?
I cried today! (That’s a #brag, ICYMI.) I’m having a lot of feelings. And in case you are too, I thought it would be a great week to chat “wellness.” But don’t worry, not in a controversial or “woo-anon” way. Those air quotes I put around “wellness” are actually meant to convey that I genuinely mean, “let’s talk about your well being,” and not, “let’s talk about gua sha, aliens, new paradigms, etc.” (I added the initial air quotes because the term has been so fully transformed by everyone from Gwyneth to anti-vax influencers. Dang, what a world!) Anyways, I really want to make it clear that I will not be preaching to you today.
Instead, I will be offering a list of things I do (let’s be real, aspire to do) when life gets me down. My goal is to provide some advice nuggets that border on woo woo wellness, but never fully go there. I hope this is useful if you are navigating heartbreak, life changes, or even just that moment when you stub your toe and all the tears come rushing out, because you’ve been avoiding the deep down feelings for months.
CRYING IS HEALING!
But first, back to my cry. I hadn’t cried in a minute, until today. Things had been going quite well in life, actually, so I knew some fully crap times had to be coming. You know what I mean? Maybe? Do you ever feel like life is supposed to trend towards some sort of equilibrium? When things start to go too well, then something’s gotta give. (Great movie, should we rewatch/recap in pod form and post here?)
In my head, I will sometimes rationalize this “balance” I expect from the all powerful god I don’t even believe in, and it’s deeply embarrassing. Sometimes I actually think, “Maybe I met my loving BF because I lost my mom to cancer, so it’s sort of my prize for suffering?”
LOL. Horrible! Can you imagine being so self-centered?! So messed up in the head?! (*RAISES HAND SO HIGH*)
Non-spoiler alert: I am very incorrect on this. My therapist has confirmed that this is an absolutely bonkers and backwards way of thinking. Despite losing my mom prematurely, congenitally missing my second-to-front tooth and having a weird gap in my teeth while I had braces, and not having a trust fund, I am beyond f*cking lucky. In the balance of my life, my scale has tipped overwhelmingly towards the fortunate, positive, and privileged. But alas, I am a complainer. My point of view is the actual problem I need to solve to balance this equation.
With that said, here are some things I think may genuinely bring you, me, or anyone who tries them a *tiny* ounce of perspective. They are mostly things I don’t want to do and/or find cheesy/too wellness-y, but must admit always help. They are also some things that I have never tried or succeeded at, but that I am certain must help. There may be some Goop overlap, but honestly, GP is onto something. We could call these tips wellness, or we could call them gentleness. So be gentle with yourself today and gift yourself at least one of these. Love you.
“Wellness” Tips
Take a shower. Right now. No matter what icky ick you are feeling, if you throw your body under some scorching hot water for an extra long time, your thoughts will turn. Don’t leave until they do. (Yes, you are killing the planet, but this isn’t an everyday habit.)
Make a “to do” list. Fill it with items that are easy to cross off, and then relish in each box you tick. Clean your room, laundry, radical self-love (jk, jk), etc.
Go for a walk. Pop on your favorite podcast and stroll. Make your goal three lil’ blocks. It will help.'
Remember a time when things were crap. Now, remember how everything turned out OK in the end. Or, if it didn’t, how you still survived it. You’ve got this.
Start a new routine. Washing your face every night, flossing twice a day (oops), Botox, whatever. Routines save lives, IMO.
Write down some things you are grateful for. Actually force yourself to do this. The cheesiness is worth it, I promise. (In solidarity, I’m going to force myself to do three tomorrow morning.)
As a reward for the cheesy gratitude, eat something with cheese on it. Fine, cashew cheese.
Also eat a vegetable. Putting good things in your body can also hit the spot.
Now, think of three things you’re proud of/like about yourself. YOU HAVE TO!!!
Donate your time or money to a good cause. You can donate time virtually, and it’s scientifically proven to change your mindset, baby! (Not that we volunteer for selfish reasons only…)
Meditate. Just download the Headspace free trial. Try two minutes. Do the absolutely minimum. It helps. (This is one of the aspirational ones for me, but I will do it!!!)
Do yoga/another meditation adjacent exercise. 10/10 recommend a short workout from Melissa Wood Health.
Text a friend or family member. Tell them how much they mean to you. For me, articulating how lucky I am to have certain people in my life really helps put things in perspective.
Unfollow your ex. Or anyone else you follow whose energy is not your vibe. Or who makes you envious. (But, caution: I do not recommend becoming one of those wellness peeps who unfollows/deletes/calls out everyone who disagrees with and/or criticizes them about anything. You know the type.)
I made a TikTok about this last bit of advice. Oh, yes I did. Disclaimer: it took me three hours and it’s not even funny. If nothing here helped you, hopefully the embarrassment of a 32-year-old trying out TikTok a year into the pandemic will make you LOL. (And yes, I mean LOL at me.)
Consumption Corner
What we’re consuming this week…
SPICY MARGARITAS + ICED FULL FAT LATTES (IYKYK)
@ItsMeTinx — reigning queen of TikTok and Erewhon smoothie inspo
The Comeback — a Lisa Kudrow-helmed HBO throwback worth checking out
This truly amazing Harper’s article — it’s about Tom Hanks’ assistant and it’s by Ann Patchett, who is a dank writer (also, it will definitely put things in perspective 4 u)
MORE ANN PATCHETT! — “My Three Fathers”
Waffles + Mochi — a show so cute it will make you cry