On Changing Your Routine

Jun 10, 2021

Hi Gems!

Liza here. FIRST OFF - I’m sorry for the absence last week. Kimmy is swamped at work, and I’m Jack Kerouac-ing a little bit on a road trip. Luckily (or maybe annoyingly?) this road trip is the inspiration for this newsletter!

I’m going to start by saying: I’m an indoor cat. I don’t really crave nature, I don’t like to be too hot or too cold, and I generally dislike exercise of any kind. BUT I’m on a roadtrip through the southwest, and it turns out the southwest has a lot of National Parks. And I’ve been hiking in them. At first it was against my will, and over the course of a few days I became someone who wants to live in an RV and visit every national park. Who am I?

It me in Zion National Park. This is high, and I was sweaty, and I’m asthmatic, and I didn’t think I could do it, BUT I DID!

Now that we’re getting vaxxed, and hugging people, and booking tickets to things, it’s starting to become clear (at least to me) just how horrible and stagnant of a year it’s been. Depression, anxiety, uncertainty, trauma - all of it’s been in play. But something I didn’t realize was such a factor was the crushing repetitiveness of life. Wake up, shuffle to desk, work, maybe get a break to go outside, take out, wine, smoke weed, tv, bed.

(And I’ve been a lucky person. I lost my regular stream of work, and my income was cut in half, but I wasn’t unhoused or food insecure. I wasn’t one of the incredible front line workers who literally risked their lives so we could have groceries and public transportation. I wasn’t a health care worker, whose trauma I can’t even imagine. I appreciate you all so goddamn much. I wish I could give you all a very vaccinated hug and make you a lasagna).

Okay, okay, okay HOW does this relate to dating? In therapy this week, I was talking about how much changing my routine made me realize the problems in my routine. I may trend towards being an indoor cat, but I actually DO need nature and I DO find time outside life-affirming. I need to challenge myself to not depend on TV and substances to numb my feelings and anxieties. I need to write in my journal daily. These are all things I didn’t even realize I was lacking, because I was so deep in my routine.

I googled “robot zombie” and this is like…extremely cute to me for some reason.

And I think this is a HUGE factor when it comes to dating. I was stuck in the same dating routine for years (get a crush on a friend, pine, obsess, never tell them my feelings, sleep with other people and talk about it to them to try and make them realize they were deeply in love with me, etc). Everyone’s routine is different, and some are MUCH healthier than mine was. But I think it’s imperative to change your routine from time to time.

BUT HOW? I would say step one is identifying what your routine is. This is a great place to invoke the help of your besties. I think my friends could all have identified how I date better than I could. And write it down! Putting things on paper helps concretize them, make them more real in your own mind. Step two: start small - identify one new thing you want to try. Are you an app addict? Challenge yourself to slip someone your number in the wild. Step three: try ONE thing you’re extremely uncomfortable with. Like...don’t get crazy or dangerous. Just do something that scares you, and realize that you can. Look deep into a first date’s eyes and tell them what you think of them. Call someone instead of texting. You get the idea. The self-esteem you’ll gain from realizing that the thing that scares you is within your reach is massive.

We all saw Palm Springs, right? Be your own goddamn Cristin Milioti.