On Being Your Only Fan
Assorted takes on identifying as a single person, iconic reality TV, and Mondays
Hi gems!
Good morning, and good luck. It’s Monday, bbs! The most iconic day of the week. From the bottom of our broken hearts (#FreeBritney), thank you for joining us for another edition of Precious Gems. We are so f*cking lucky to have you!
Speaking of luck, Only Fans reached out to us *twice* this week to set up a page. But despite our super cute feet, we’ve decided to keep our oversharing to Substack for now.
Oh, not subscribed to our Substack yet?! Click it or ticket, baby.
Today, we’re talking reality TV, how relationship status can shape our identities, and, of course, Consumption Corner recommendations.
This newsletter is #unique because *two* people write it. So let’s play “Guess Who?” (iconic board game) so that you know who to blame for these cursed words.
You: “Do you have brown hair sprinkled with wiry grays?”
Me: “Yes, you win, it’s Kimmy!”
I’ll be captaining the newsletter-ship again this week. But don’t worry, our more hilarious, brilliant ginger unicorn Liza will be chiming in next time. We just didn’t really plan this week, because we are CUTE, disorganized manic pixie dream gurls, lalala!!! (JK, I’d become a Republican before becoming an aspiring MPDG again. Actually, JK squared, I will not be doing either.)
Another bit of business: we may start publishing this on Tuesdays or Wednesdays, so that we can compile the Consumption Corner recommendations from our podcast episodes. Sound off in the comments if you think this is a crap idea because you love Monday inbox hugs. (You can actually also reply directly to this email and we will receive it, and no one else will!)
“Singles Awareness Day” GTFO
But back to iconic things… it’s February 15th. Unlike January 1 or November 1, this day-after-a-holiday does not feel like a hangover. Instead, it feels like a celebration. Cheers — we made it through another Valentine’s Day IG feed! Plus, discount candy! And, February is more than halfway over!
This year, the day after V day is also Presidents’ Day, but based on recent presidential track records/insurrections, I don’t really feel all that jazzed about celebrating POTUSes. So… back to 2/15. Apparently, according to some PR emails we received, today is also “Singles Awareness Day” which seems… dumb.
Our society is already obsessed with making singles aware of the fact that they are single. “Singles Awareness Day?” How about “SINGLES CUT THE LINE EVERYWHERE DAY” or “SINGLES GET FREE CHAMPAGNE DAY”? (Must be in all caps.)
As a resident of the oft-burning hellscape of Los Angeles, I am also entirely certain that there are many actual problems we should raise awareness about, and being single is not one of them. Being single is not a problem. It’s not abnormal. It’s quite often a choice. And IMO, it’s incredibly powerful. (I know this makes me sound like someone who is jacked up with toxic positivity, but hear me out, I’ll explain.)
Before getting into all that, let’s play a quick round of FMK, *iconic* reality TV show-style.
FMK
Last week, we discussed a “f*ck, marry, kill” of holidays that are stupid (you all hate Super Bowl Sunday, which confirms our audience is exactly who we thought it was, woot). But this week, let’s FMK definitive reality shows.
Cut to: “Halp, there are too many reality TV shows!” So, let’s make this a “f*ck, marry, kill, ghost” edition (FMKG).
I *highly* recommend you participate even if you have not seen these shows:
Survivor
The Bachelor/ette
Jersey Shore
Real Housewives
Okay, realizing this is a little unfair because The Bachelor killed itself this week, but personally, I would:
F*CK Jersey Shore My entire defense of this choice: "Sam, the first night at BED when you left, Ron made out with two girls and put his head between a cocktail waitress's breasts”
MARRY Real Housewives Despite the fact that I have only watched RHONY, RHOP, RHOSLC (lol, “only”) Andy Cohen’s “Jessie from Topeka, Kansas asks, ‘Why do you suck at fashion?’”-energy will never get old, and I would marry it
KILL The Bachelor It’s the never-ending racism for me, buh-bye
GHOST Survivor Because she’s very lovely, but I don’t have time to get invested right now (40 seasons?!)
I know Liza will disagree vehemently with some of these, so check out tomorrow’s pod episode for some discussion.
Grieving your independence
If you’ve read previous iterations of this newsletter, listened to the podcast, or seen my chaotic V day posts on Instagram, you know that I have a complicated relationship to relationships. For most of my life, until 28, I was “officially” single. (“Officially” in the sense that if my grandmother asked if I had a boyfriend she could meet soon, I would 1000% say, “No.”)
One of my all time favorite follows, writer and artist Mari Andrew (@bymariandrew), posted a series of incredibly wise, heartfelt Q&As on her Instagram stories around Valentine’s Day.
One in particular resonated with me deeply: a follower asked her, “Have you ever felt wistful or grieved your single identity when in a relationship?” Mari wrote that yes, she is very independent, and even in relationships needs to be with someone who understands her independent nature, because it’s a part of her that doesn’t go away.
I, too, have absolutely grieved my single identity. At times, I have felt disappointed in myself for “selling out” — cool girls don’t need to be on dating apps looking for men, cool girls don’t get vulnerable enough to say, “I love you,” right?! Wrong, cool girls do whatever they want (without hurting others). While I’m incredibly grateful for my boyfriend, learning to be less selfish and think about another person is… hard AF!
I am also disappointed in myself for believing the outside noise that had me convinced I needed to have a man interested in me at all times to be worthy of, um, life itself, for so many years.
If I could campaign against any part of dating and relationship content, it would be the part that makes us all think that being in a relationship is the norm. The standard. While many humans yearn to find romantic partners, and science/history/the patriarchy have perpetuated partnership as a life pattern, it is fully bonkers to me that we don’t feel like we are allowed to be happy as single women. Being single is a choice that is questioned, shamed, and apparently, something we need to have “awareness” about on February 15th.
Looking back, I wish I asked myself, “Are you happy with yourself? Your career? Your friendships?” as much as I asked myself, “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” I wasn’t even always happy with my career or friendships or self, but I wish I paid them more attention than I paid my relationship status, which, honestly, I didn’t always care all that much about.
In her IG Q&A, Mari also shared that when she was feeling down about love, she would (pre-pandemic) take herself out for “a fabulous cocktail” and journal about everyone she’s ever dated and what they taught her in order to “write a juicy gorgeous list” of everything her future had in store for her. This feels like a really good homework assignment, plus, I love an excuse to have a fancy cocktail.
*Consumption Corner*
Caveat that this will be updated Tuesday with our latest podcast CC recommendations, but for now:
Chef’s Table S6 E3 — Asma Khan, the chef behind Darjeeling Express is in the UK, has an incredibly story
POOG (Goop, backwards) — my dear friend Caroline recommended this pro-but-also-anti-wellness-wellness podcast from comedians Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak to me, and it rules.
Judas and the Black Messiah — in theaters and on HBO Max, not to be missed
“My First Date Was at 30” — an article by Kim Rhodes, recommended by Mari Andrews’ IG stories, that’s really soothing and incredibly vulnerable
Rachel Lindsay’s Instagram — even if you do not watch The Bachelor, you may have heard that the show’s host, Chris Harrison, is stepping away after behaving in an abhorrent, racist way in an interview with the first Black lead on the show, Rachel Lindsay — let’s get her to 1M followers, even if you don’t watch!
This easy and excellent Obe Ata recipe from Bon Appetit – I’m not a cook, but this is the best thing I’ve made
We did it again — a bientot! Please tell a friend?!
Love you,
Kimmy and Liza