Independence Week
On having the apartment to yourself, dependence, and texting styles
Hello gems,
Deepest apologies for our recent absence. It’s all my (Kimmy’s) fault, and I won’t lie, I simply… forgot, then got busy, then really wanted to enjoy my weekend sans tasks, including writing this newsletter. I’m sorry!!! I’m a total monster. (Thank you in advance for forgiving me.)
But she’s back now, and she’s better than ever, because she just got to spend a whole week-and-a-half *alone* in her apartment after constant COVID cohabitation. Date 13 was out of town, and let me tell you, I savored it. Not showering much felt… momentous. Watching Summer House every night was… joyous. Having snacks for dinner every night was… hot. (The amount of peanut butter toast I ate was… impressive.)
Unpopular opinion: being alone is delightful. Even after 2020, I still f*cking love alone time. I know what you’re thinking, “ You’re in a relationship, you jerk, it’s lonely out here,” and I promise that I understand, I was single for 29 years of my life. Loneliness can be painful, and living alone is not always ideal.
But, I also cannot lie. The feeling of having the whole place to myself truly turns me on. I felt the same way when my non-romantic roommates would be out of town. No one else’s dishes in the sink. No one scoffing at your dishes in the sink. The license to do whatever you want, even if that just means lying in bed all day. So much freedom, I feel patriotic just thinking about it.
I know what you’re thinking now, too. “Wow, this betch is a b*tch, she didn’t miss her boyfriend?!” I assure you that I missed him, it even hurt my heart at times, which, TBH was nice, because it reminded me that I am a human capable of love. (Sometimes I forget! I am a lil b*tch!) I am extremely lucky to have him in my life, but I’m proud that I didn’t lose it without him around.
“That’s an insane sentence,” you may be thinking, and you are correct. As a one-time Independent Woman Pt. 1, the fact that I was nervous about my boyfriend being out of town for almost two weeks is embarrassing. I could blame it on my ever present fear of The Big One shaking the house down, my conviction that I will be murdered by the man hiding in my closet, and my general, untenable level of anxiety, but really, I just got comfortable.
I had gotten so used to having him in the apartment over the last year that I became co-dependent. I always assumed I would never become a “boyfriend girl” because I understood the value of independence, but I feel like the pandemic made me exactly that. (Gross.)
Tl;dr: I really didn’t want Tony to go, and that made me feel like a bad independent woman (sry Bey, Kelly, and Michelle)
But, spending time apart was a really nice reminder of who I am, why independence is a superpower, and how bad at texting my boyfriend can be. Here are my takeaways from the week that I hope will help if you’re craving a relationship or live-in companionship…
Becoming dependent on someone is too easy
This is why I think single people are harder, better, faster, and stronger than people in relationships. I honestly believe this, @ me, married people. While being single for a long period of time can feel like a never-ending tunnel of loneliness and uncertainty, especially when your friends are all in relationships, I promise that the longer you are single, the better version of you you will become. Spending time on your own forces you to take care of you, to notice habits you have, to dig yourself out of bad moods, and to find things *you* are passionate about. (See: Bravo’s Summer House.)
Independence is hard, but that’s a good thing
Independence is a superpower because it is rooted in challenges that you have to overcome. It’s not fun to pay rent on your own. It’s easier to cook for two people. It’s difficult not to have someone to snuggle with, or talk about your feelings with at night. But here’s why these hard things are good: you learn to be financially independent and pay your own rent, you feel less guilty for going out for delicious food, and you look to friends and therapists to snuggle (metaphorically) and talk about your feelings with. That’s a full life, that’s a fun life, and it’s no less than a life spent with a partner.
Spending time apart is healthy, in all scenarios
Distance really does make the heart grow fonder. Distance also reminds you that you can’t get comfortable. Because Tony was on the East coast, I had to make sure to put time into communicating and staying in touch, ughhhh. Spoiler alert: I’m bad at that. I was busy splayed on the couch, eating toast in my undies!!! But, not being in touch constantly actually was kind of nice… because I missed him very much. I appreciated him!!! Even in early stages of dating, I really think distance is a good test of how you feel about someone.
Straight men are bad at texting
Happy Pride! JK, this is a major generalization. I’m a terrible texter, too. But I wanted to share this nugget because while Tony was away, I realized that I forgot what his texting style is, because we’re usually in the same apartment or calling each other. And I forgot that sometimes, Tony is kind of cold in texts (he uses lots of periods). But, that’s not a reflection of how he feels about me, he’s just a bad texter. There’s no real takeaway here except that overanalyzing texts is not worth it, ever.
OKAY, that was a lot. Thank you for reading, sharing, liking, just being here at all! Comment with YOUR independence day feels below.