Hi gems!
Hope you’re having an excellent week, and that you have relaxing, indulgent plans for the long weekend. Memorial Day in a post-vax world feels even more like a beacon of sunnier times than normal. It’s the grand opening of a really f*cking fun summer where we don’t have to worry about killing each other by breathing anymore. How great is that? Fetch me a tequila, plzzzzz. Feed it to me like a baby bird, straight down the throat like we’re on an episode of Summer House, because I’m vaxxed, besties! (Spoiler alert: actual plans are to laze around and pregame the Mare of Eastown finale with some Olivia Rodrigo, more on that in a bit.)
There are so many reasons to celebrate this weekend, including the most important one of all: today is Liza’s birthday! Liza is the truest form of a gem friend, with her unparalleled ability to listen, share wise insights, and yet always stay true to her incredibly hilarious self. I love her very much, and I’m sure you do too. I love her so much that I have selfishly decided that she is accepting gifts in the form of shares of Precious Gems, reviews on Apple Podcasts, and follows on our TikTok, because help, and thank you in advance. But for real, send some love her way today!
OK, back to business. Much like all of the olds on the internet, I, too, have been exceptionally enamored by the new Olivia Rodrigo album, Sour. In particular, I cannot stop playing "Brutal” in the car and getting into my feelings. She’s Avril Lavigne for a new generation, and I am in awe/jealous.
An example of one of her lyrical snacks from “Brutal”:
And I'm so sick of seventeen
Where's my fucking teenage dream?
So few words, so many feelings.
Another feeling-filled example:
I feel like no one wants me
And I hate the way I'm perceived
I only have two real friends
And lately, I'm a nervous wreck
'Cause I love people I don't like
Which brings me to a topic that has been on my mind — what if, in this post-vax world, we forget about dating like a “cool girls” and instead, date like “feelings girls?” Im sorry, feelings ~women~.
Cue “#shotgirlsummer.” While I love the “everyone should have their Rita-Taika-Tessa makeout moment this summer because the pandemmy taught us that life is short” vibes the internet is bestowing on summer 2021, I can see a slippery slope into cool girl territory. Well, maybe that’s just specific to me and my insecurities/inability to set boundaries. If I were dating this summer, I could see myself feeling pressure to have fun while dating a bunch of people. I could also see myself squashing any real feelings or desire to DTR for fear of not being a fun shot girl. (When really, all I ever want is to be loved!!!)
But it’s 2021, and healthy feelings are making a comeback. I really think we should capitalize on all of our feelings when we date this summer in honor of the crap year 2020 was.
Here are some concrete examples of what I mean:
You went on a great first date with someone and then texted a bit afterwards, but they have not asked you out yet. Feelings women, text this:
Hey! I had a great time on our date and would love to go out again sometime. If you’re interested, let me know.
For when the person you have been dating is slow fading you. This one is probably best IRL or on the phone:
Hi, I really like spending time with you, but lately have been feeling like you might not see things going the same direction I do, which is 100% okay. I’d love to continue seeing each other, but if you don’t see this getting any more serious, let me know. I think my feelings will be less hurt if we talk about it now, rather than letting things fade.
For when you aren’t interested in continuing going on dates with someone
I think you’re great and have had such a fun time getting to know you, but I owe it to you to be completely honest because dating is weird. I’m not feeling the romantic connection I think we’re supposed to feel at this point, which is a bummer, because you are very cool and smart. I would be really into staying in touch or being friends, but also understand if that’s not something you want to do. Either way, I had such a blast on our dates together, and thank you for showing me that awesome tiki bar.
When you get drunk and shame spiral over a text or 40 Facetimes, this is what you say:
Wow, that’s an incredible amount of calls at 2:40 A.M. Sorry about that. I think I just like you and would love to know where you are at; huge apologies that I expressed it through 17 Facetimes.
If they don’t respond to that, delete that number, not worth it.
Then, tell yourself:
Hey, me. You probably sent all of those texts because you’re feeling sad and anxious about where this thing is going. That’s OK and very human, and TBH, the person you’re seeing is not thinking you’re a weirdo, or a loser, or anything else, because they are definitely just thinking about themselves and their day. And that’s sort of the issue here, because in a relationship, you deserve to be with someone who doesn’t make you feel anxious or spiral. Maybe it’s a good time to focus on you, your friends, and fun, and ignore this person. Truly, don’t text them back, let them get in their feelings, and they’ll eventually reach out again. (They always do!)
OK my feelings women, get out there and make dating better than its been.
xx love you, share better replies and ideas than mine in the comments